Humility: An Epoch Moment

Marriage can be difficult.

How many times have you heard that? Too many. I kind of get tired of the negativity surrounding marriage. How demanding it is. How confining. The hardships and failures. As I type this, I ponder…
Why do we have such views of marriage? And a thought, one of many I am sure, comes to me that marriage can be difficult because it challenges every weak and less than desirable area we have in us. When a relationship stays superficial, surface only, then your weaknesses stay hidden. You can keep them covered up, like you do a pimple or blemish with make up. You continue to look great on the outside and nothing sensitive and ugly is touched inside you.


Well, marriage strips that from us. As time goes on in the relationship, the layers we had are stripped down, till we are standing bare and very vulnerable before our spouse.

At this moment we can do a few things.

1. Start putting the layers back on. Distance ourselves from them. Deny access and begin the process of looking flawless, yet shallow again.

2. Aknowledge and deal with the flaws and inward weaknesses brought to the surface by being in a close and connected relationship.

3. Point out all the negative, weak areas in our spouse and justify why we are the way we are. Circumventing and sliding around the truth until no one know what is what any more.

I am sure there are many more options but you understand where I am going. I am not going to talk about my husband’s flaws and how I deal with them. Or about communicating better or something of that nature. I want to talk about myself. One of my flaws and how it hurt and still hurts, as I still deal with it, my marriage. What better way to improve a marriage, then to improve yourself. They go hand in hand. A better you, makes a better marriage.

I have been married 4 years now. Not very long at all. In a previous post, I mentioned having a quick and outspoken personality. While my husband is quiet and slow about things. For a long time I would use my words to gain the upper hand in an argument, I still struggle with this. I speak better than him. I think more quickly and compose a response before he has had time to consider and respond fully to the first assault. It irritated the fire out of me to hear silence after I unloaded on him. It still does irritate me. Overtime I developed a superior mentality. I knew my husband was not dumb, but my words treated him as such. I had an attitude that nothing my husband did was right. I mean every little thing he did or did not do got on my last nerve. I spent many night pouring my frustrations out to God. Begging for my husband to change.

Nothing happened. Nothing changed.

Then there was a church service. My pastor was preaching, I don’t remember the title or what the main points were. I just remember one part. In the middle of the sermon I heard him say some wives are smarter than their husbands. That caught my attention quick. My ears perked up and I was glued to him. He then goes on to say it does not matter if you are smarter than your husband. God still choose him to be leader of the home. That it boiled down to pride and we need was humility. (Now that is not word for word what was spoken, that is the Randi translation). His words struck me hard. I had an epiphany, an epoch moment, so to speak. The scales fell from my eyes and I realized with horror that I was the problem. I was so full of myself and my pride. My attitude did not display humility. There was no grace or mercy in my heart towards my husband. My heart had become over-run by filthy pride. Looking back at it now, I guess I had and Elizabeth Bennet moment. I did not know myself. I practiced grace and mercy with others, especially my children. Yet somehow my husband did not apply. And that was wrong, dead wrong. I took myself to the altar and asked God to forgive me. Now I realized why He did not answer me before when I was praying for my marriage. I came to him with the wrong motives and heart. I got up that day feeling renewed, slightly embarrassed, but I felt good inside. I was motivated to once again work on my marriage but not from a fix my husband stand point but a what can I do to help my marriage stand point.

The challenge is still there. I continue to work through my pride and how I speak to my husband but I have a new mentality and clearer vision now, which helps.

So I said all this to ask, what area in your life have do you put off dealing with because you are too busy finding issues with your spouse? Make today the day you work on you. It is one of the few times focusing on yourself is ok. Is there distance in your relationship with God? Perhaps there is an area He wants to show you in yourself but you keep ignoring it.

The hardest thing to deal with is ourselves, but it is one of the most refreshing things when we finally do.
As always please comment below.

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